The Last Time I Give My Life To Christ
It’s July 17, 2015, and the thunder outside sounds louder than the thoughts that run through my head. The clash of the baseball against the bat and the roaring of the crowd sounds from the television as my husband, Durand, plays MLB ’15, and the couch allows me the sink in and warm my freshly shaven skin. I just finished a phone call from father where he mentioned that he finally closed on his shop and could officially start his business and thoughts of doubt quickly filled my words as I express worry about a new job I was supposed to start the previous week, but due to paperwork and drug test delays I remained unemployed. My father checked my attitude immediately and explained how everything happens according to God’s timing, not mine. Of course I had to check myself after being checked by my dad to ensure that I never doubt God’s timing again. None of this probably makes any since to you right now, but give me a minute and I’ll clear things up.
My name is Micayla and today I surrendered my life to Christ. Now this is not the first time, but it’s definitely the one time I actually believed whole heartedly in what I was doing. The first time came back in middle school at a gospel concert being held at my step mom’s church, Christian Life Center. A strange feeling came over me seeing kids my age raise their hands to the Lord and worship as I had seen from the elders in my old church, but it was somehow very attractive. If I can remember correctly, it was at a News Years Eve watch service and in the middle of service I was consumed with the Holy spirit and lead to the alter at alter call. Tears ran down my face and I was terrified to walk all the way up to the alter in front of the entire church alone, but my stepmom grabbed my hand and lead me to the front. She praised the Lord as I walked down the stairs and up the aisle. Women began to pray over me and it felt like all of my guilt rushed to my mind and made me cry more and then it all left in an instant. My stepmom later asked me how it felt to give my life to Christ. I was surprised in myself and at a loss for words. For some reason, I just couldn’t explain what happened.
Between then and my church confirmation service my senior year of high school, I found myself seeking a relationship with the Lord more and never missing a sunday service. I even went to church alone when my family chose to stay home. I was driven to the house of the Lord and determined to grow closer to him. Little did I know, I still lived in sin and that life would soon try to get the best of me. I went through a summer long confirmation class where I learned how to study the Word and upon graduation was presented to the church. It was an interesting experience. Dressed in African attire and quoting the Lord’s prayer in front of all of my family, friends, and the entire congregation made me feel like I was ready to take on the world with God by my side. That was of course, before I went of to college.
The second time I gave my life to Christ came when I was in college and joined the MSU Gospel choir at a spring concert. The Spirit lead me to the alter to repent for my sins, which started my true spiritual journey. My journey technically started back in middle school, but it wasn’t until college when It was just me and God; and the decisions I made would impact the rest of my life. It was also in college where struggled with sin the most and felt the most conviction. I had to make a choice between having a typical “college experience” (drunken nights, casual hookups, parties, and etc.) or following the Lord and hoping I could find friends who wanted to do the same. I had to choose God. There was too much sin surrounding me and the temptations were often unbearable. I needed to surround myself with other Christians and position myself in a safe place to grow. The MSU Gospel Choir became my family. Fast forwarding three years, brings us to today.
Today marks the third and final time I gave and will give my life to Christ. I use past and present tense only because this time was real and I don’t expect to stray from him anymore. Not only will I dive deeper into the Word and develop a deeper relationship with the Lord, but I will carry him with me every minute, of every hour, everyday, for the rest of my life.
It started off like any other day. I woke up, prepared myself for the day and headed to the grocery store to prepare breakfast for the hubby. I married the summer after my junior year at MSU to my childhood friend Durand Robertson and following graduation we moved in together and started our married life. We celebrated our first year of marriage June 16, 2015.
On another note, throughout the month of July we’re struggling financially and I was determined to get the most bang for my buck and spend no more than $30 on meals for the entire week. I must say that with the help from a phone call from my mom, I was able to make that happen. I returned home and prepared chili for lunch (I was at the store so long I missed breakfast) and pulled out the bills to make sure that we paid those due today. The phone bill was doubled so I called customer service about that. The Lord blessed and helped us reduce that bill, at least for the month, and then I drafted a plan of action to pay off the other bills due later on this week. In the last two weeks I have been unemployed and haven’t been able to contribute financially. This of course has stressed out my husband and made the two of us realize that we don’t have the money to pay all of our bills this month. My talk of bills lead him to stress even more and caused a grave moment of silence in our home while he got ready for work. He was stuck in his thoughts of money and bills, and I was stuck in my thoughts of work and how I wasn’t helping. It’s not that I don’t want to help, but I honestly haven’t been called to start my new job yet and my previous job failed to pay me for the three weeks I was working with them (All information that I’ll cover in time).
Once he left for work, I turned to youtube in search of inspiration from my favorite bloggers and youtubers. To my surprise I came across a new blogger whose testimony was similar to mine and sparked my interest in reading her blog. I was lead to her blog, and then to a podcast she posted on soundcloud. The entire podcast spoke to my past addictions, my selfishness and the pain I caused God daily, and the front I put on trying to be the “perfect” Christian. I was a joke and deep down, I knew it. Jasmine Morris’ blog just called me out on it, and her words lead me to repent for EVERYTHING. The Holy Spirit captured my heart and for the first time I gave up everything and all of me and surrender myself to the Lord, on my living room floor, as it stormed outside. It was just me and God and all my sin and shame, and forgiveness and His love were the only things that mattered in my life. If He forgave me and loved me then I knew I could do the same to others.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another. no one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1John4:11
In the last two weeks, Ive grown closer to the Lord than I have my entire life. It took Him bringing me out of work for one-on-one time and leading me to write down my encounters with Him for me to completely trust Him with all of my heart. I thought the time spent these past couple of weeks writing were to prepare me for the blog I wanted to start called the Fitting room. To my surprise, The Lord started a blog in me and renewed my mind, body, and spirit in the process. Of course he would though. I can’t claim to be a Christian and blog about how people need a stronger relationship with Jesus without knowing him myself. I stripped myself of clothing and shame, laid bowing on my knees, as tears streamed down my cheeks and thanks came from my mouth. It was a beautiful moment and I felt his forgiveness. I stepped into the shower and washed the old me away, and the new me stepped out with more faith, love, and joy than ever before. I prepared chili cheese dogs for dinner, and relaxed in the newly found spirit that brought a glow to my body. When my husband returned from work he noticed my glow and settled in for the night finding comfort in playing the game.
However, shortly after, the spirit of doubt attempted to creep back into a conversation I had with my dad and I thank the Lord that my father shut that down as soon as he heard it. I doubted my position at the new job (that I hadn’t even started yet) and that only meant that I doubted what God was capable of. I was so disappointed in myself, but I thank the Lord I was checked, just like Jasmine checked me. It was serious and needed. I just couldn’t believe that after my spiritual encounter with God a couple hours earlier, I stooped to my old self and doubted Him. That was the minute I chose to make today, that day, (July 17, 2015) the last time I give my life to Christ. I shouldn’t have to do it more than once, and after the first time my lifestyle should have been a reflection of Him because I would have followed His Word and obeyed His commandments. All actions that, I WILL do from this point on until the day he comes for me simply because I love him. He’s my husband and I am His bride. He has a purpose for me that’s greater than I can even imagine and our love for each other is stronger than any other relationship I’m in. I write this not just for my fitting room blog and those who choose to read it; but unto the Lord.
He has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. 2Tim1:9
Lord, if you choose to use this blog, a book, a podcast, or whatever you give me to gain disciples, I am but a vessel to you so Please Take and Use Me. However it is you choose to use me Lord, this one and everything I write and do is dedicated to you.
-Micayla
